Funny Drinking Quotes: You can incorporate these entertaining drinking quotes and captions into your social media posts or party invitations. These quotes can be used for drinking on evites or party signs! For a girls or guys night out, feel free to get creative and use these drinking captions. See more ideas about alcohol quotes, funny, quotes.
Funny drinking quotes and short sayings. These hilarious lines are perfect for making drinking captions for Instagram posts. Sometimes, after having a few drinks, you get the urge to say something funny, but the beer takes effect and prevents you from coming up with anything. You are in luck because many people who appreciate alcoholic beverages came before you and said some pretty clever and witty things about drinks. Get a buzz on the lighter side of life with these hilarious alcohol quotes, and pour yourself a shot of the good times.
Drinking Alcohol And Sayings – These hilarious pictures are guaranteed to make you laugh, regardless of whether or not you’ve had anything to drink. Some people turn to alcohol as a form of consolation or escape from their problems, while others develop an addiction to the substance. These funny quotes and sayings about alcoholic drinks and the drinks that go with them are sure to make you laugh and show the funny side of alcoholism.
Funny Drinking Quotes
1. “My tolerance for alcohol is way higher than my tolerance for people.”
2. “I said no to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen.” — Unknown
3. “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”- Ernest Hemingway
4. “The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.” — Unknown
5. “Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.” — Seneca
6. “He that drinks fast, pays slow.” — Benjamin Franklin
7. “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.”
8. “I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not” – Coco Chanel
9. “The best beer is an open beer.”
10. “Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.”—Conan O’Brien
11. “I’m on a whiskey diet… I’ve lost three days already!”
12. “I hate when people say that you don’t need alcohol to have fun. Well, you don’t need running shoes to run but it helps.”
13. “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.” — Unknown
14. “Alcohol helps me listen to your bullshit and pretend to believe it.” — Unknown
15. “I drink alcohol to drown my problems, unfortunately my problems are damn good swimmers.”
16. “Trust me You can Dance – Alcohol”
17. “May you always have love in your heart and beer in your belly.”
18. “I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served.” ― George Gobel
19. “Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.”- Herman Smith- Johannsen
20. “Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” — Unknown
21. “I read an article that said if you drink every day you might be an alcoholic… thank God I only drink every night.”
22. “I am a drinker with writing problems.”- Brendan Behan
23. “I heard this one the other day… When life gives you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who’s life gave them vodka, mix them together and have a party!!”
24. “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” ― George F. Burns
25. “I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.”
26. “Good people drink good beer.”- Hunter S. Thompson
27. “Alcohol helps me listen to your bullshit and pretend to believe it.”
28. “Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean, against tables, chairs, walls, floors and ugly people.”
29. “You look like I need another drink.”
30. “Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy you alcohol.” — Unknown
31. “There are more old drunkards than old physicians.” — Bernard Shaw
32. “Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.”
33. “Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL” — Unknown
34. “In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.”
35. “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” -Pope John XXIII
36. “DRINK TO FORGET BUT NEVER FORGET TO DRINK!”
37. “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.” – Kinky Friedman
38. “Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.”
39. “Beer is now cheaper than gas, do drink, don’t drive!” — Unknown
40. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald
41. “One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.”- Lady Nancy Astor
42. “One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.”
43. “A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” – Charlie Chaplin
44. “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.”- Lord Byron
45. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” — G.K. Chesterton
46. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
47. “If smokers can have smoking breaks, why can’t I have drinking breaks.” — Unknown
48. “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.” – Lord Byron
49. “I work until beer o’clock.” – Stephen King
50. “Don’t cry over spilled milk…it could have been beer!”
51. “I drink alcohol to drown my problems, unfortunately my problems are damn good swimmers.” — Unknown
52. “There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.”
53. “The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.”
54. “I swear to Drunk, I’m not God!”
55. “Act single, see double, drink triple”
56. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.” — Unknown
57. “Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.” — Unknown
58. “If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.”—David Daye
59. “Save the earth, it’s the only planet with beer.” — Unknown
60. “I drink because I work, I work so I can drink.”
61. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
62. “I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when it’s not my birthday.”
63. “If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton, this way my friends will know I am missing.” — Unknown
64. “Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.”― Jerry Vale
65. “I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.” — Unknown
66. “If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA.” — Unknown
67. “Nothing lasts forever so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.”
68. “Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald
69. “Alcohol is a perfect solvent, it dissolves marriages, families and careers.”
70. “I’m not as think as you drunk I am.” — Unknown
71. “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.” – Kinky Friedman
72. “Alcohol is not the answer. Alcohol is the question. Yes is the answer.”
73. “Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.”- Tom Waits
74. “You look like I need another drink.” — Unknown
75. “Beer doesn’t have many vitamins. That’s why you need to drink lots of it.” — Unknown
76. “Lips that touch liquor touch other lips quicker…”
77. “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
78. “You say alcoholism, I say liver crossfit.”
79. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” — Unknown
80. “Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.” — Seneca
81. “A drunk man never tells a lie.” — Unknown
82. “Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.”― Jerry Vale
83. “A drunk man never tells a lie.”
84. “Home is where the wine is.”
85. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
86. “Nothing lasts forever so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.” — Unknown
87. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” — Unknown
Drinking
Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny drinking quotes, funny drinking sayings, and funny drinking proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.