300 Funny Inspirational Quotes To Uplift Your Spirit Going Forward

Funny Inspirational Quotes: Laughing is such a great way to let go of all that bad, heavy energy. Hey, we’ve got a bunch of hilarious inspirational quotes just for you! No matter how you’ve been feeling lately, these funny quotes will make you laugh and might just give you a positive boost in life.
Read all of this collection of humorous and inspiring quotes and sayings, and it will teach you how to discover comedy in daily situations. What are some of the most hilarious life quotes that you have ever heard? Having a sense of humor is very important in many aspects of life. Because there are so many factors that are beyond our control, there are times when the best thing to do is to laugh. We are not able to alter everything. We will not be able to improve everything.

Because there are certain things that we are unable to alter, we need to adjust the way that we think about them. The ability to laugh at oneself can be a useful tool for gaining perspective. We have compiled this selection of sayings from comedians, authors, actors, and other influential people in the world of thought to assist you in laughing at the anguish, laughing at the battle, and laughing at the elephants in the room. Please do not forget to let us know in the comment area which quote or quotes were your favorites.

Funny Inspiration Quotes That Will Motivate You While You Giggle and funny pictures

What are some of the most amusing and inspiring phrases that you have ever read? The absence of humor makes life bland. When we have a good sense of humor, we are more likely to search for the positive aspects of life, other people, and even ourselves. It is my hope that these humorous and motivational quotes may assist you in maintaining your focus while allowing you to maintain your sense of humor. Keep them near to you because they will help make the journey you take through life more enjoyable. Have you had a good time reading these witty motivational quotes? What are some other humorous life quotations that motivate you and why would you include them in our list? Tell us in the box below designated for comments.

Funny Motivational Quotes To Uplift You Strength And Happiness

1. “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.” —Joey Adams

2. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

3. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” – Terry Pratchett

Funny Motivational Quotes About Life And Overcoming Tough Times and Pictures

4. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln

5. “Life is like homemade ice cream: sweet and seasonal. Enjoy it before it melts.” – Unknown

6. “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”– Enid Blyton

7. “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard

8. “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

Funny Inspirational Quotes To Lift Your Mood Brighten Your Day and pictures

9. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller

10. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright

11. “In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” – Charles Schulz

12. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.” – Robert Bresson

Hilarious And Funny Inspirational Quotes To Uplift Your Spirit and images

13. “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.” – Groucho Marx

14. “Aspire to inspire before we expire.” – Eugene Bell Jr

15. “Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho

16. “You might also like these motivational cheer quotes that will make your day better.” – Phyllis Diller

Funny Motivational Quotes To Uplift You Strength And Happiness and images

17. “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”– George Burns

18. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen

19. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” — Caroline Rhea

20. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

21. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain

Funny Inspirational Quotes To Keep You Going Forward and Images

22. “My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you’re a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That’s the way to get an idea.” —Andy Rooney

23. “Delegating work works, provided the one delegating works, too.” – Robert Half

24. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

25. Also, check out these witty quotes to sharpen your cleverness.

Funny Inspirational Quotes To Keep You Going Forward

26. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”

27. “To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy.” – Hippocrates

28. “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick

29. “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Funny Inspirational Quotes To Uplift Your Spirit Going Forward

30. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love

31. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

32. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”– Ronald Reagan

33. “I think you can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” – Janis Joplin

34. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

35. “The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia

36. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck

37. “Girls have got balls. They’re just a little higher up, that’s all.” – Joan Jett

38. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

39. “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” – Will Rogers

40. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

41. “When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.” – Walter Lippmann

42. “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen

43. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott, The Office

44. “I’ve got problems but I’m going for a run to ignore them all for an hour.” – Unknown

45. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

46. “The trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin

47. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg

48. “I stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.” – Unknown

49. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of Steven Wright quotes to make you laugh.

50. “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.” – W. H. Auden

Hilarious And Funny Inspirational Quotes To Uplift Your Spirit

51. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire

52. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

53. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones

54. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain

55. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”– Denis Waitley

56. “Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.” – Andy Rooney

57. “When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say ‘Why me?’, say ‘Try me’.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

58. “I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”– Samuel Goldwyn

59. “I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.” —Unknown

60. “I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” – Bill Gates

61. “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”– Steven Weinberg

62. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of Dorothy Parker quotes that will help you uncover life’s secrets.

63. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett

64. “The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.” – Malcolm Forbes

65. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain

66. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” – Will Rogers

67. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

68. “Luck is what you have left over after you give percent.” – Langston Coleman

69. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ – Robert Downey Jr.

70. “Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.” – Unknown

71. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller

72. “A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.” — Dolly Parton

73. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson

74. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

75. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

Funny Inspirational Quotes To Lift Your Mood Brighten Your Day

76. “Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen.” – Catherine Pulsifer

77. “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova

78. “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” – Sydney Harris

79. “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”– Samuel Goldwyn

80. “You never become a howling success by just howling.” – Bob Harrington

81. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy

82. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson

83. “Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!” – Dr. Seuss

84. “There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.” – Roger Staubach

85. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

86. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

87. “The only time I don’t have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground.” -James Jason

88. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman

89. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer

90. “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” — Captain Jack Sparrow

91. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” – Irish Proverbs

92. “Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there.” – Josh Billings

93. “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn

94. “Always drink upstream from the herd.” – Will Rogers

95. “They burned the bridge, then ask why I don’t visit.” – Unknown

96. “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”– Thomas Sowell

97. “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.” – Mae West

98. “Bending beats breaking.” ― Betty Greene

99. “Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” — Ann Bradford

100. “You’re at your best when you don’t know what you’re doing.” – Paul Stanley

Funny Motivational Quotes About Life And Overcoming Tough Times

101. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of Naruto quotes about life, success and relationships.

102. “Confidence is work and delusion.” – Tina Fey

103. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”—Ellen DeGeneres

104. “My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.” – Jean Rostand

105. “Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler

106. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead

107. Don’t forget to also check out our collection of quotes about having fun and enjoying your life.

108. “There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.” – Lawrence Welk

109. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”– Charles Wadsworth

110. Don’t forget to also read these short inspiring quotes to fuel your day.

111. “I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.” —Anonymous

112. “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​” — Stanley J. Randall

113. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

114. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle

115. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover

116. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”– Billy Wilder

117. “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”– Eleanor Roosevelt

118. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers

119. “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”– James Thurber

120. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of inspirational quotes for friends to show just how much they mean to you.

121. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”– Andy Rooney

122. “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” – Bob Hope

123. “A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.” –

124. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

125. “If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” – Regina Brett

Funny Inspiration Quotes That Will Motivate You While You Giggle

126. “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes

127. “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” – Will Rogers

128. “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”– Bill Vaughan

129. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

130. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

131. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of encouraging quotes to help keep you going.

132. “The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.” – Unknown

133. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”—Lt. Frank Drebin

134. “Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code.” – Jelani Daniel

135. “Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures.” – Gene Brown

136. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

137. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of funny dog quotes to make you LOL with your furry best friends.

138. Elbert Hubbard

139. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”– Steven Wright

140. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” – Mark Twain

141. “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” — Sam Levenson

142. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” – Gracie Allen

143. “The only place where your dreams become impossible is in your own thinking.”– Robert H Shuller

144. “The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts.” – Fulton J. Sheen

145. “I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” – Cassandra Duffy

146. “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” – Madeleine L’Engle

147. “Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.” – Unknown

148. Don’t forget to also check out these motivational quotes of the day for daily rejuvenation.

149. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” — Audrey Hepburn

150. “Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.” —John Wooden

Funny Motivational Quotes About Life To Keep You Moving Forward

151. “If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.” —Robert Fulghum

152. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd

153. “I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.”

154. “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”– Cullen Hightower

155. “Focus, focus, focus! What am I, a telescope?” – Naruto Uzumaki

156. And if you need some motivation to stay on your grind, be sure to check out our collection of hustle quotes.

157. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” — Robert Benchley

158. You might also like these birthday quotes celebrating life, age and friendships.

159. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

160. I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. – Karan Patel

161. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason

162. “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” – Edgar Allan Poe

163. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown

164. “Family — the ties that bind … and gag!” – Erma Bombeck

165. “Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” – David Ogilvy

166. “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote

167. “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.” – Mark Twain

168. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers

169. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

170. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter

171. “Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket.” – Elinor MacDonald

172. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

173. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” – Ellen DeGeneres

174. “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

175. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

Funny Inspirational Quotes For Work And Life

176. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln

177. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

178. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

179. “If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.” – Hippocrates

180. “Don’t do what you want. Do what you don’t want. Do what you’re trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most.” ― Chuck Palahniuk

181. “What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity? Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficult, and every difficulty has an opportunity.”– J. Sidlow Baxter

182. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

183. “If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for like 8 years, you can believe in yourself for like 5 minutes.” – Unknown

184. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” – Bernard Sahlins

185. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner

186. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

187. “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis

188. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

189. You might also like these quotes on life lessons to help you move on.

190. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams

191. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright

192. “Cause your facial expression to change – smile.” – Catherine Pulsifer

193. “It’s either me or my home. It seems both of us can’t look good at the same time.” – Unknown

194. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde

195. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

196. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”

197. “Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.”― Charles Dickens

198. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.“ -Winston Churchill

199. “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”– Tom Lehrer

200. “Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.” – Malcolm Muggeridge

Funny Inspirational Quotes About Life That Will Motivate You

201. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe

202. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”– Bryan White

203. – George Bernard Shaw

204. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne

205. “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

206. “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

207. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

208. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”– Jeffree Star

209. “All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

210. “Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, Call me….I’ll laugh at you.” – Unknown

211. “I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.” – John Green

212. “The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.” – W. Clement Stone

213. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to check out our collection of confused quotes about the ups and downs of life.

214. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx

215. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein

216. Don’t forget to also check out these words of wisdom to bring out the best in you.

217. Don’t forget to also check out these pieces of life advice that can change your life.

218. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

219. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?​” -​ Kin Hubbard

220. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell

221. “Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip.” – Richard Steele

222. “Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.” – Ross Perot

223. “The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin

224. “Life is like the stock market. Some days you’re up. Some days you’re down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind.“ -Paula Wall

225. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

Funny Inspirational Quotes About Life And Career

226. “Taking an interest in what others are thinking and doing is often a much more powerful form of encouragement than praise.” – Robert Martin

227. “Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their heads turned up way too loud to hear it.” -Brian Vaszily

228. “Do or do not. There is no try.” — Yoda

229. “To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

230. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.” —Bill Murray

231. “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” – Voltaire

232. “I don’t run to add days to my life, I run to add life to my days.” – Unknown

233. “I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed.” – Robert Frost

234. “If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either.” – Leo Burnett

235. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

236. Also, check out these thoughtful wallpaper quotes to inspire your life.

237. “You can’t crush ideas by suppressing them. You can only crush them by ignoring them. By refusing to think, refusing to change.” ― Ursula K. Le Guin

238. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” – Margaret Thatcher

239. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

240. “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West

241. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

242. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

243. “Life is like a box of chocolates.” – Forrest Gump

244. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carli

245. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.”—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias

246. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”

247. “If you fall, I’ll always be there.” – The Floor

248. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers

249. “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”– Francois de La Rochefoucauld

250. “When you’re riding, only the race in which you’re riding is important.” – Bill Shoemaker

Witty Funny Motivational Quotes And Sayings

251. “All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” – Sean O’Casey

252. “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” – Charles Gordy

253. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

254. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”– Daniel J. Boorstin

255. “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

256. “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”– Scott Adams

257. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley

258. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.” – Ethel Barrymore

259. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”– Dorothy Parker

260. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

261. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck

262. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama

263. “I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”- Winston Churchill

264. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

265. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

266. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

267. “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”– Clint Eastwood

268. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.” –Benjamin Franklin

269. “Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” — Og Mandino

270. If you’re enjoying this article, be sure to also check out our collection of inspirational pictures quotes that will help push you to keep moving forward.

271. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of vine quotes that showcase some of the most hilarious moments from the short-lived site.

272. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” —Erma Bombeck

273. “Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” – Robert Brault

274. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

275. “When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

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276. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.“ -Phyllis Diller

277. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”– Ron White

278. “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” – Johnny Carson

279. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”– Steven Wright

280. – Thomas Edison

281. If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. – Donald Trump

282. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

283. “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.“ -Pablo Picasso

284. “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie

285. “Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.” – Gilbert Gottfried

286. “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”– Drake

287. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

288. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

289. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Sherrilyn Kenyon

290. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”– Alan Dundes

291. “If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap.” – Glen Buck

292. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of George Carlin quotes to from the iconic comedian.

293. “Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” — Charles Bukowski

294. “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.” – Baron de Montesquieu

295. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” – Frank Zappa

296. “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar

297. “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein

298. “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.” – Yogi Berra

299. – Charles J. Sykes

300. “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” – Marie Osmond

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301. “If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big.” – Tom Hirshfield

302. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” – George Harris

303. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of age quotes for the young and the young at heart.

304. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” – Emily Ley

305. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

306. “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

307. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”– Henny Youngman

308. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

309. – Stephen King

310. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”—Will Ferrell

311. “Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” – Dalai Lama

312. “You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.”

313. “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.“ -Oscar Wilde

314. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — Winnie the Pooh

315. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”– Charlie Chaplin

316. “You don’t always get what you wish for, you get what you work for.” – Unknown

317. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”– Elbert Hubbard

318. “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” – Will Rogers

319. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,ways that won’t work.“ -Thomas A. Edison

320. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

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321. “Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer

322. “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.” – George Burns

323. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”– Bernard Baruch

324. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz

325. “If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly.“ -Steve Maraboli

326. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov

327. “Free your mind and your ass will follow.” – George Clinton

328. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of getting older quotes that will make you embrace the beauty in aging.

329. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” — Unknown

330. “Hope is the dream of a waking man.”– Aristotle

331. “There’s a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth.” – Leonard Barnes

332. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” – Amy Poehler

333. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” –

334. “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” — Alexander Woollcott

335. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain

336. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of opportunity quotes about making the most of a situation.

337. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

338. “If you don’t know where you are, a map won’t help.” – Watts Humphrey

339. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

340. “Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.” – Danny Kaye

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341. “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” – Bill Watterson

342. “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” – David Letterman

343. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of book quotes about the power of reading from your favorite authors.

344. “Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.” —Barbara Walters

345. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of smile quotes to help keep a smile on your face.

346. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?” – George Carlin

347. “Good things come to those who initiate.” – Susan RoAne

348. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”– Bertrand Russell

349. “So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.” — Ed Helms

350. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

351. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball

352. If you’re enjoying this article, you’ll also love these great quotes about life, success, love and family.

353. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to check out our collection of laughter quotes proving why it’s the best medicine.

354. “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

355. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”– George Carlin

356. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London

357. “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.” – Winston Churchill

358. – Ann Landers

359. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”– Bill Watterson

360. “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.” – George Carlin

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361. “Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.” -Bill Copeland

362. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”– Bob Hope

363. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

364. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of monday motivation quotes to help you get the week started.

365. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t.” – Richard Bach

366. “I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time.” – Marilyn Monroe

367. “A good time for laughing is when you can.” – Jessamyn West

368. “Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.”– Salvador Dali

369. If you’re enjoying these quotes, read our collection of dance quotes to help you find the perfect words about movement.

370. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”– Charles de Gaulle

Funny Inspirational

Spirit quotes have the power to inspire, motivate, and uplift our souls. Whether you’re feeling down, lost, or just in need of a little pick-me-up, there’s a funny motivational quotes to uplift your strength and happiness.

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