Funny Inspirational Quotes: Laughing is such a great way to let go of all that bad, heavy energy. Hey, we’ve got a bunch of hilarious inspirational quotes just for you! No matter how you’ve been feeling lately, these funny quotes will make you laugh and might just give you a positive boost in life.
Read all of this collection of humorous and inspiring quotes and sayings, and it will teach you how to discover comedy in daily situations. What are some of the most hilarious life quotes that you have ever heard? Having a sense of humor is very important in many aspects of life. Because there are so many factors that are beyond our control, there are times when the best thing to do is to laugh. We are not able to alter everything. We will not be able to improve everything.
Because there are certain things that we are unable to alter, we need to adjust the way that we think about them. The ability to laugh at oneself can be a useful tool for gaining perspective. We have compiled this selection of sayings from comedians, authors, actors, and other influential people in the world of thought to assist you in laughing at the anguish, laughing at the battle, and laughing at the elephants in the room. Please do not forget to let us know in the comment area which quote or quotes were your favorites.
What are some of the most amusing and inspiring phrases that you have ever read? The absence of humor makes life bland. When we have a good sense of humor, we are more likely to search for the positive aspects of life, other people, and even ourselves. It is my hope that these humorous and motivational quotes may assist you in maintaining your focus while allowing you to maintain your sense of humor. Keep them near to you because they will help make the journey you take through life more enjoyable. Have you had a good time reading these witty motivational quotes? What are some other humorous life quotations that motivate you and why would you include them in our list? Tell us in the box below designated for comments.
Funny Motivational Quotes To Uplift You Strength And Happiness
1. “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.” —Joey Adams
2. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw
3. “Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” – Terry Pratchett
4. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln
5. “Life is like homemade ice cream: sweet and seasonal. Enjoy it before it melts.” – Unknown
6. “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”– Enid Blyton
7. “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard
8. “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx
9. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller
10. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
11. “In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” – Charles Schulz
12. “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.” – Robert Bresson
13. “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.” – Groucho Marx
14. “Aspire to inspire before we expire.” – Eugene Bell Jr
15. “Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho
16. “You might also like these motivational cheer quotes that will make your day better.” – Phyllis Diller
17. “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”– George Burns
18. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen
19. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” — Caroline Rhea
20. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
21. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain
22. “My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you’re a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That’s the way to get an idea.” —Andy Rooney
23. “Delegating work works, provided the one delegating works, too.” – Robert Half
24. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke
25. Also, check out these witty quotes to sharpen your cleverness.
Funny Inspirational Quotes To Keep You Going Forward
26. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
27. “To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy.” – Hippocrates
28. “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick
29. “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
30. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love
31. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg
32. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”– Ronald Reagan
33. “I think you can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” – Janis Joplin
34. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
35. “The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
36. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
37. “Girls have got balls. They’re just a little higher up, that’s all.” – Joan Jett
38. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
39. “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” – Will Rogers
40. “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain
41. “When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.” – Walter Lippmann
42. “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen
43. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott, The Office
44. “I’ve got problems but I’m going for a run to ignore them all for an hour.” – Unknown
45. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch
46. “The trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin
47. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg
48. “I stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.” – Unknown
49. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of Steven Wright quotes to make you laugh.
50. “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.” – W. H. Auden
Hilarious And Funny Inspirational Quotes To Uplift Your Spirit
51. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire
52. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
53. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones
54. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain
55. “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”– Denis Waitley
56. “Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.” – Andy Rooney
57. “When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say ‘Why me?’, say ‘Try me’.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
58. “I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”– Samuel Goldwyn
59. “I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.” —Unknown
60. “I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” – Bill Gates
61. “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”– Steven Weinberg
62. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of Dorothy Parker quotes that will help you uncover life’s secrets.
63. “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett
64. “The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.” – Malcolm Forbes
65. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain
66. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” – Will Rogers
67. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
68. “Luck is what you have left over after you give percent.” – Langston Coleman
69. “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ – Robert Downey Jr.
70. “Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.” – Unknown
71. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
72. “A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.” — Dolly Parton
73. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson
74. “That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin
75. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost
Funny Inspirational Quotes To Lift Your Mood Brighten Your Day
76. “Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen.” – Catherine Pulsifer
77. “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova
78. “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” – Sydney Harris
79. “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”– Samuel Goldwyn
80. “You never become a howling success by just howling.” – Bob Harrington
81. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
82. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson
83. “Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!” – Dr. Seuss
84. “There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.” – Roger Staubach
85. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin
86. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
87. “The only time I don’t have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground.” -James Jason
88. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman
89. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer
90. “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” — Captain Jack Sparrow
91. “If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself.” – Irish Proverbs
92. “Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there.” – Josh Billings
93. “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn
94. “Always drink upstream from the herd.” – Will Rogers
95. “They burned the bridge, then ask why I don’t visit.” – Unknown
96. “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”– Thomas Sowell
97. “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.” – Mae West
98. “Bending beats breaking.” ― Betty Greene
99. “Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” — Ann Bradford
100. “You’re at your best when you don’t know what you’re doing.” – Paul Stanley
Funny Motivational Quotes About Life And Overcoming Tough Times
101. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of Naruto quotes about life, success and relationships.
102. “Confidence is work and delusion.” – Tina Fey
103. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”—Ellen DeGeneres
104. “My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.” – Jean Rostand
105. “Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler
106. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
107. Don’t forget to also check out our collection of quotes about having fun and enjoying your life.
108. “There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.” – Lawrence Welk
109. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”– Charles Wadsworth
110. Don’t forget to also read these short inspiring quotes to fuel your day.
111. “I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.” —Anonymous
112. “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
113. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher
114. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle
115. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover
116. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”– Billy Wilder
117. “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”– Eleanor Roosevelt
118. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers
119. “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”– James Thurber
120. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of inspirational quotes for friends to show just how much they mean to you.
121. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”– Andy Rooney
122. “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” – Bob Hope
123. “A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.” –
124. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown
125. “If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” – Regina Brett
Funny Inspiration Quotes That Will Motivate You While You Giggle
126. “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes
127. “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” – Will Rogers
128. “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”– Bill Vaughan
129. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
130. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra
131. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of encouraging quotes to help keep you going.
132. “The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.” – Unknown
133. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”—Lt. Frank Drebin
134. “Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code.” – Jelani Daniel
135. “Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures.” – Gene Brown
136. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
137. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of funny dog quotes to make you LOL with your furry best friends.
138. Elbert Hubbard
139. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”– Steven Wright
140. “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” – Mark Twain
141. “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” — Sam Levenson
142. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” – Gracie Allen
143. “The only place where your dreams become impossible is in your own thinking.”– Robert H Shuller
144. “The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts.” – Fulton J. Sheen
145. “I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” – Cassandra Duffy
146. “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” – Madeleine L’Engle
147. “Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.” – Unknown
148. Don’t forget to also check out these motivational quotes of the day for daily rejuvenation.
149. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” — Audrey Hepburn
150. “Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.” —John Wooden
Funny Motivational Quotes About Life To Keep You Moving Forward
151. “If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.” —Robert Fulghum
152. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd
153. “I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.”
154. “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”– Cullen Hightower
155. “Focus, focus, focus! What am I, a telescope?” – Naruto Uzumaki
156. And if you need some motivation to stay on your grind, be sure to check out our collection of hustle quotes.
157. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” — Robert Benchley
158. You might also like these birthday quotes celebrating life, age and friendships.
159. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley
160. I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. – Karan Patel
161. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
162. “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” – Edgar Allan Poe
163. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
164. “Family — the ties that bind … and gag!” – Erma Bombeck
165. “Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” – David Ogilvy
166. “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote
167. “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.” – Mark Twain
168. “I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers
169. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
170. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter
171. “Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket.” – Elinor MacDonald
172. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
173. “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” – Ellen DeGeneres
174. “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
175. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
Funny Inspirational Quotes For Work And Life
176. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln
177. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
178. “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler
179. “If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.” – Hippocrates
180. “Don’t do what you want. Do what you don’t want. Do what you’re trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most.” ― Chuck Palahniuk
181. “What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity? Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficult, and every difficulty has an opportunity.”– J. Sidlow Baxter
182. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost
183. “If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for like 8 years, you can believe in yourself for like 5 minutes.” – Unknown
184. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” – Bernard Sahlins
185. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
186. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin
187. “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis
188. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
189. You might also like these quotes on life lessons to help you move on.
190. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams
191. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
192. “Cause your facial expression to change – smile.” – Catherine Pulsifer
193. “It’s either me or my home. It seems both of us can’t look good at the same time.” – Unknown
194. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
195. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
196. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”
197. “Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.”― Charles Dickens
198. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.“ -Winston Churchill
199. “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”– Tom Lehrer
200. “Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.” – Malcolm Muggeridge
Funny Inspirational Quotes About Life That Will Motivate You
201. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe
202. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”– Bryan White
203. – George Bernard Shaw
204. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne
205. “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
206. “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
207. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
208. “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”– Jeffree Star
209. “All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover
210. “Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, Call me….I’ll laugh at you.” – Unknown
211. “I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.” – John Green
212. “The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.” – W. Clement Stone
213. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to check out our collection of confused quotes about the ups and downs of life.
214. “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
215. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein
216. Don’t forget to also check out these words of wisdom to bring out the best in you.
217. Don’t forget to also check out these pieces of life advice that can change your life.
218. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
219. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” - Kin Hubbard
220. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell
221. “Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip.” – Richard Steele
222. “Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.” – Ross Perot
223. “The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin
224. “Life is like the stock market. Some days you’re up. Some days you’re down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind.“ -Paula Wall
225. “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire
Funny Inspirational Quotes About Life And Career
226. “Taking an interest in what others are thinking and doing is often a much more powerful form of encouragement than praise.” – Robert Martin
227. “Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their heads turned up way too loud to hear it.” -Brian Vaszily
228. “Do or do not. There is no try.” — Yoda
229. “To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
230. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.” —Bill Murray
231. “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.” – Voltaire
232. “I don’t run to add days to my life, I run to add life to my days.” – Unknown
233. “I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed.” – Robert Frost
234. “If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either.” – Leo Burnett
235. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
236. Also, check out these thoughtful wallpaper quotes to inspire your life.
237. “You can’t crush ideas by suppressing them. You can only crush them by ignoring them. By refusing to think, refusing to change.” ― Ursula K. Le Guin
238. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” – Margaret Thatcher
239. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey
240. “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West
241. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
242. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
243. “Life is like a box of chocolates.” – Forrest Gump
244. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carli
245. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.”—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
246. “Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.”
247. “If you fall, I’ll always be there.” – The Floor
248. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
249. “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”– Francois de La Rochefoucauld
250. “When you’re riding, only the race in which you’re riding is important.” – Bill Shoemaker
Witty Funny Motivational Quotes And Sayings
251. “All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” – Sean O’Casey
252. “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” – Charles Gordy
253. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers
254. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”– Daniel J. Boorstin
255. “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes
256. “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”– Scott Adams
257. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley
258. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.” – Ethel Barrymore
259. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”– Dorothy Parker
260. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
261. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck
262. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
263. “I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”- Winston Churchill
264. “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
265. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss
266. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain
267. “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”– Clint Eastwood
268. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.” –Benjamin Franklin
269. “Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” — Og Mandino
270. If you’re enjoying this article, be sure to also check out our collection of inspirational pictures quotes that will help push you to keep moving forward.
271. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of vine quotes that showcase some of the most hilarious moments from the short-lived site.
272. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” —Erma Bombeck
273. “Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” – Robert Brault
274. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
275. “When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang
Short Funny Quotes And Sayings About Work To Enrich Your Day
276. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.“ -Phyllis Diller
277. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”– Ron White
278. “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” – Johnny Carson
279. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”– Steven Wright
280. – Thomas Edison
281. If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. – Donald Trump
282. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin
283. “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.“ -Pablo Picasso
284. “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie
285. “Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.” – Gilbert Gottfried
286. “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”– Drake
287. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
288. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
289. “Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Sherrilyn Kenyon
290. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”– Alan Dundes
291. “If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap.” – Glen Buck
292. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of George Carlin quotes to from the iconic comedian.
293. “Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” — Charles Bukowski
294. “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.” – Baron de Montesquieu
295. “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” – Frank Zappa
296. “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
297. “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein
298. “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.” – Yogi Berra
299. – Charles J. Sykes
300. “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” – Marie Osmond
Funny Inspirational Quotes On Life To Uplift You And Love Every Day
301. “If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big.” – Tom Hirshfield
302. “See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” – George Harris
303. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of age quotes for the young and the young at heart.
304. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” – Emily Ley
305. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson
306. “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
307. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”– Henny Youngman
308. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers
309. – Stephen King
310. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”—Will Ferrell
311. “Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” – Dalai Lama
312. “You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.”
313. “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.“ -Oscar Wilde
314. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — Winnie the Pooh
315. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”– Charlie Chaplin
316. “You don’t always get what you wish for, you get what you work for.” – Unknown
317. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”– Elbert Hubbard
318. “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” – Will Rogers
319. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,ways that won’t work.“ -Thomas A. Edison
320. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
Best Funny Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Laugh And Think
321. “Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” – Jeffrey Gitomer
322. “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.” – George Burns
323. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”– Bernard Baruch
324. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz
325. “If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly.“ -Steve Maraboli
326. “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov
327. “Free your mind and your ass will follow.” – George Clinton
328. If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of getting older quotes that will make you embrace the beauty in aging.
329. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” — Unknown
330. “Hope is the dream of a waking man.”– Aristotle
331. “There’s a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth.” – Leonard Barnes
332. “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” – Amy Poehler
333. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” –
334. “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” — Alexander Woollcott
335. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain
336. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of opportunity quotes about making the most of a situation.
337. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand
338. “If you don’t know where you are, a map won’t help.” – Watts Humphrey
339. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
340. “Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.” – Danny Kaye
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341. “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” – Bill Watterson
342. “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” – David Letterman
343. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of book quotes about the power of reading from your favorite authors.
344. “Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.” —Barbara Walters
345. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of smile quotes to help keep a smile on your face.
346. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?” – George Carlin
347. “Good things come to those who initiate.” – Susan RoAne
348. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”– Bertrand Russell
349. “So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.” — Ed Helms
350. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
351. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball
352. If you’re enjoying this article, you’ll also love these great quotes about life, success, love and family.
353. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to check out our collection of laughter quotes proving why it’s the best medicine.
354. “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
355. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”– George Carlin
356. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London
357. “A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.” – Winston Churchill
358. – Ann Landers
359. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”– Bill Watterson
360. “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.” – George Carlin
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361. “Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.” -Bill Copeland
362. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”– Bob Hope
363. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
364. If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of monday motivation quotes to help you get the week started.
365. “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t.” – Richard Bach
366. “I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time.” – Marilyn Monroe
367. “A good time for laughing is when you can.” – Jessamyn West
368. “Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.”– Salvador Dali
369. If you’re enjoying these quotes, read our collection of dance quotes to help you find the perfect words about movement.
370. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”– Charles de Gaulle
Funny Inspirational
Spirit quotes have the power to inspire, motivate, and uplift our souls. Whether you’re feeling down, lost, or just in need of a little pick-me-up, there’s a funny motivational quotes to uplift your strength and happiness.